By Charlotte aka @thespectrumgirl
As an autistic with ADHD, I have a different way of learning things. I have a delayed processing of things that I learn, and sometimes people may find it annoying to hang out with me or to work with me because it may seem like I’m lazy or stupid and I don’t understand anything.
Because of this a lot of people never bother checking to see if I’ve actually understood and registered what was talked about before wrapping up a meeting or social situation, either at school, work or among peers.
It makes me feel extremely confused when at a later point I discover that there were subjects brought up that I hadn’t registered at all even though I was physically present the whole time. I’ve experienced missing out on verbally given instructions and tasks that were delegated, more than once, an I’ve felt like such a dumbass at the next meeting where it’s often become clear that I was the only one who hadn’t registered the message. I keep wondering why nobody ever makes sure if everyone registers things, especially like the delegation of tasks or instructions before wrapping up something.
It’s tricky because on the outside it may seem like I am listening to everyone and every word being said when I’m actually processing multiple inputs all at once. And that’s what makes attention and learning kind of complicated for me, because the thing is that I can hear everything else happening at the same time as someone is speaking (which really takes away from my attention and ability to concentrate on what is being said and my ability to learn). I’m also trying to decipher yours and everybody else’s social codes at the same time. So in a sense it is true that I am listening, it’s just that my attention is spread very wide and I’m not only listening but also smelling and feeling too.
So when it looks like I’m hearing what’s being talked about I’m also busy processing more than the conversation. I hear little things like the smacking sounds of someone’s lips when they’re talking, the noise of the air conditioner, peoples body odor, breath, someone’s rumbling stomach, a buzzing bee that is trapped in the room and doors slamming down the hall. All this is because of a combination of sensory sensitivity, sensory and auditory processing, executive dysfunction and attention difficulties that comes with being Autistic and having ADHD at the same time.
And with all of this background action going on, it could be a good idea to actually check with me and have me confirm wether or not I have understood and registered whatever it was that was talked about, and especially if I registered if everyone has agreed to take on a specific task until the next time we meet. To be specific with me is key.
I have felt like I am so extremely stupid at times when I have met with people empty-handed because I hadn’t registered that we were supposed to do some homework or prepare something specific for a next meeting. It’s also frustrating for me because if I had just known about it I would’ve obviously been happy to contribute with whatever it was that was needed. So I often am left with a feeling of being failed by my peers in terms of them being team players and making sure we’re all on the same page. But it’s something I have rarely experienced. So rarely that I can’t even think of the last time that happened.
So, like I briefly explained, being autistic and having ADHD means that there are many things my attention gets attracted to during the course of a meeting or social gathering that it really affects how I learn and how I remember instructions to new things or tasks. It’s not something I can control, and there’s also auditory processing which means that everything that I hear gets processed with a bit of sprinkles, something extra added.
Sometimes when a person is speaking, my ear to brain connection perceives what I hear as something completely different than what is said, and sometimes I don’t hear it at all because I am caught up in delayed processing of something else that was just said. I often hear myself repeat: “huh? what did you say?” “Can you repeat that?” And my gosh do I feel ashamed! So many times have I just pretended to hear something that I didn’t understand because I was afraid to say “huh” for the tenth time and have people think I was dumb. It’s that I’m dumb though! It’s just that I have a completely different operating system ( kind of an old saying in the autism community by now but it’s true)
Slow and steady wins the race.
I am not a quick learner on average, I am a slow but deep learner. Because of the way society rewards those who are quick learners I will say I have a learning disability and that I am learning disabled because of how the society is built around outdated learning models.
Growing up as an undiagnosed Autist and AD(H)D’er it’s affected my feeling of self worth when it comes to how society only rewards the quick learners and says they are the clever ones, leaving the slower but deep learners like me feeling kind of useless.
There are reasons for ‘not getting it’ and that’s because your learning needs are not being accommodated. The one teaching you could be giving lousy instructions or not adapting the material to your learning needs.
Being a slow deep learner actually has many advantages. Because I’m a slow learner I dig deeper and spend a lot longer with researching and reiterating my learning again and again before I feel I have advanced enough to catch up with the fast learners. I make a very solid fundament to everything I learn, and investigate things on a much deeper level.
Absorbing/learning information over time gives me the power of a spacing effect, and because I spread out the time I spend learning it improves my long-term memory performance. So when moving forward I can implement any relevant new information back into my learning fundament more efficiently. And what I have learned will now stick forever.
When I eventually start to gain in on the fast learner I realize that I can see things the fast learner does not. The quick learner may have learned things without giving it much thought.
Whilst I have begun to decipher information at a more complex level and have the ability to understand concepts better and seeing a lot more solutions. In other words I’m a quality learner.
As to what could help me learn more efficiently is to give clear instructions, verbally and written. When I am being given vague or unclear instructions it can lead to cognitive overload, which in turn is a direct cause for a meltdown for me as an Autistic person. I also have auditory processing disorder which makes taking and learning from verbal instructions even more challenging.
There’s some pretty decent ideas up there in those neurodivergent heads of ours, so it’s really everyone’s loss if so many of the world’s different learners keep getting pushed aside and underestimated.