By Archer Rosenkrantz
I have found throughout my life that birds of a feather flock together. By that, I mean that people with autism tend to find one another before they even know the other is autistic. The same goes for LGBTQ+ people, and neurodivergent people in general. This is my own experience, and may not reflect the experience of other queer neurodivergents. I think my theory holds up in most cases. In loud social spaces, you might run into another neurodivergent person escaping the noise outside in the quiet alley. These miraculous happenstances can create the greatest of friendships; united by brain structure!
When most people think of overstimulation or sensory overload, they usually think of autism. Yet, overstimulation can be a daily constant in the life of a person with ADHD. That person miraculously met in the alley, might have ADHD and not autism. On the contrary, they might have both! *Not to say there aren’t neurotypical people who need quiet alone time as well* ADHD and autism are two sides of the same coin, in my mind. Sometimes, it can be hard to tell folks with ADHD and autism apart, even when they’re describing their symptoms out loud! In fact, my journey to discovering my autism started with getting tested for ADHD.
With a lack of education surrounding autism, I didn’t suspect that I might have it. I suspected that all of my differences must be ADHD. Upon getting professional testing, I was discouraged to find out that I did not have ADHD. All of my symptoms seemed to point in that direction, but at least I was going in the right direction. I was heading in the direction of suspecting neurodivergence. Neurodivergent is a common way to refer to people with ADHD, Autism, and other learning disabilities. It was up to me to educate myself about what could be going on with my brain, and I eventually found the right diagnosis. Autism!
Whether its lack of focus, social challenges, sensory sensitivities, or emotional regulation issues among other symptoms, ADHD and autistic folks are united by shared experience. This is the reason I am a huge advocate for making autistic spaces open to folks of other neurodivergence. We share the same struggles, hurdles, and need extremely similar accommodations in order to regulate and function. Relationships between ADHD and autistic people are beautiful and unstoppable, as they have the power to lift eachother up through understanding and connection.
Multiple studies and resources have pointed to the idea that 50 to 70 percent of autistic people also have ADHD! Conversely, 20 to 50 percent of ADHD people also have autism! The overlap between these two communities is much bigger than most folks understand. This is why having shared resources can be so important to accessibility and accommodation. Having resources only for autistic folks creates a barrier of access for another community of people who could really benefit from these supports and systems. Removing the autistic label from important resources and slapping on a neurodivergence label would do a whole lot of good! True accessibility means access to all that may need it, as long as it doesn’t hurt a group it was intended for.
A lot of autistic folks might feel threatened by the idea of ADHD people invading their safe autistic designated spaces. I believe this comes from a true lack of understanding about what it means to be ADHD. Just like autism, ADHD comes in many forms. Some folks with ADHD need little to no supports, just like autism! ADHD folks can be social butterflies, or introverted wall flowers. The same applies for autistic people. When you invite ADHD folks into an autistic space, you are inviting them into a space that offers accommodations, support systems, and shared experience. Those who truly need these, will stay, exactly like autistic folks. You’ll find the space to feel the same! An environment full of people who might stim, need low sensory environments, have special interests, and more! Even the differences in ADHD and autism to me can feel like the differences between two autistic people. Just as much variety in difference!
My partner Mac (They/Him) and I are like peas in a pod, for many reasons. One of those reasons is neurodivergence! He has ADHD while I have autism. Both of us have trouble staying organized, which means our shared apartment looks quite messy most of the time. We both self soothe through repetitive motions, so we have an entire box of shared fidget toys we both use. Mac and both have emotional regulation difficulties, so we can help each other through true understanding. We share neurodivergent communication patterns, like info dumping! We share sensory difficulties as well, so we keep alternative lighting, safe textures, and headphones around the apartment. Mac and I do extremely well together as a neurodivergent team, and I see similar experiences in other autistic/ADHD couples. I imagine it's very similar to an autism/autism or ADHD/ADHD romantic relationship.
We do have our differences that are tied to my autism and their ADHD. He seems to struggle more with impulse control and executive functioning than I do. I struggle more with motor control skills, pattern recognition, and awareness of my surroundings. I often need to do things the same way every time (like my drive to and from work) while Mac likes to try things a different way each time (will take a different path to and from work each time). Mac might have more trouble getting chores and tasks started than I do, often avoiding tasks that require focus. I might have more trouble picking up on social cues than Mac does, sometimes avoiding social situations altogether to avoid the embarrassment of misinterpreting cues. Knowledge of our differences allow us to help one another, and empathize with each other as we navigate the world together as neurodivergent adults.
In a world that makes most everything difficult to navigate if you are neurodivergent, we need to band together. This means advocating for one another, creating shared resources, and providing comprehensive education when talking about neurodivergence. If ADHD folks and autistic folks were educated on our similarities and not just our differences, I think we would feel like we have a lot more allies out there. We might feel a lot less alone as well. After all, science has shown us that autism and ADHD share structural differences in the brain. We have some distinct shared structural connectivity patterns and brain topography. Let’s stand united not only by brain structure, but by understanding, compassion, and advocacy.